Episode 140: Why I Am Leaving Facebook & Instagram
In today’s episode, I talk about my recent debate on the positives and negatives of social media, and why I am signing off my social media accounts.
Hanging with a friend in the backyard.
Cooking dinner.
Relaxing with my husband.
Driving to pick up food and sitting at the traffic light.
During a conference call with a colleague.
Countless times throughout the day when I’m feeling uninspired, vigilant, or bored.
These are just a few of the times social media has infiltrated my life in the past few days.
Social media continually takes me away from the experiences and relationships I really value—over and over again.
The thing about social media is that it's supposed to make you feel more connected to people you care about... but ends up taking you away from the moments you spend with them.
That’s why I’m leaving social media.
Listen to the full episode to find out:
The thought process that went behind leaving social media for good
3 main reasons why I wanted to stay on social media (and what I realized)
The 2 rules I used to be more intentional and thoughtful about my decision to leave
Resources mentioned:
+ Read the Transcript
Nancy: Hanging with a friend in the backyard, cooking dinner, relaxing with my husband, driving to pick up food and sitting at a traffic light during a conference call with a colleague countless times throughout the day, when feeling uninspired, vigilant or bored. These are just a few of the times. Social media has infiltrated my life in the past few days.
Social media continually takes me away from the experiences and relations. I really value over and over again. You're listening to the happier approach, the show that pulls back the curtain on the need to succeed, hustle, and achieve at the price of our inner peace in relationships. And I'm your host, Nancy Jane Smith.
The thing about social media is that it's supposed to make you feel more connected to people you care about, but it ends up taking you away from the moments you spend with them. And that's why I've always had a love, hate relationship with social media. Specifically with Instagram and Facebook. My relationship has always been codependent and on.
I've tried to limit my use. I've tried to set safeguards around it. I tried to use hashtag safe, social as Bailey Parnell talks about with me in episode 129. And yet here I am, again, feeling overwhelmed and controlled by social media. But this time I'm making a change this time. I'm leaving social media.
As of July 1st, I have left social media rather than just disappearing though. I wanted to share my decision making process in case maybe you too have a love, hate relationship with social media. Yes, social media has become the way I stay connected with friends and family across the country. Keep up with businesses.
I love reading articles and getting news. I watched the Facebook ads on TV and I feel giddy inside because the mission of connecting with loved ones is so warm and fuzzy, but there's a dark underbelly that has just become too much for me to support any more. First a little background in early May when I started contemplating leaving, I decided I wanted to do a little pre-work my tendency being the black and white thinker that I am is to make the decision to leave and then poof shut everything down the next day.
But I wanted to be more intentional, more thoughtful. I had two rules pay attention and question everything. As I was observing and debating, I kept running up against three main reasons that I should stay. So I wanted to break those down for you with my thoughts, the first one. I'll miss out on too much stuff.
I've lived here for many years believing I just can't leave. How will I stay in contact with people? Keeping with my two rules of pay attention and question everything. I started noticing who I was keeping in contact with and who I wanted to stay in contact with. One of my favorite parts about Facebook is seeing my old high school classmates and keeping up with their families.
I will definitely miss that. But I noticed how social media feeds the idea of doing something when you aren't really doing something. For example, social media makes you feel like you're connecting with people, but you really aren't. Liking my high school friends son's graduation picture gives me a momentary hit of closeness.
But in reality, I don't even know her son's name and a big reason I liked the post is because I didn't want her to think that I didn't like the post. Yeah. That sounds harsh. But as I started paying attention to how I interacted with social media, it made me so full of myself, the idea that I needed to like something, because what would they think or that I needed to share my new haircut because of course, I mean the whole world wants to see my hair.
As I started noticing my tendency to do performative posting. I started questioning why I was posting and if I could reach out to an actual person rather than write some generic social media post, I started reaching out more off of social media, calling my aunt or texting with my cousin. I actually reached out to one of my high school besties via text, and we've been going back and forth ever since.
Building actual connections off of social media has enriched my life just in the past month. Also realizing I don't need my life to be publicized. I don't need to get likes and comments to feel seen, heard, or celebrated. I want to be celebrated, seen and heard by those. I see in my life, not my hundreds of followers, but those in my inner circle.
And starting to build relationships off of social media. I might miss the occasional birth or wedding announcement. And then I think about life before social media, we missed those announcements and we survived. There's something I noticed throughout this past month as I was debating to leave or not, I am steeped in Facebook, propaganda.
Similar to how my eyes keep getting opened around systemic racism and white privilege. My eyes keep getting opened about how we have this tool that everyone uses run by people with questionable ethics. That makes us feel like we're doing something. When we aren't social media takes me out of my present moment, life away from those I love the most. And for the most part leaves me feeling like shit yet the social media machine convinces us that we need it to keep in touch with others. So in response to the reason I will miss out on too much stuff, I'm committed to building a support group off of social media to go deeper with actual real life relationships and not just throw something up on social media for a pseudo sense of connection.
Reason. Number two, it's a necessary evil. I mean, what about your business? So definitely I need to address the business piece. I do run an online business and for the past 10 years, I've been very diligent about posting to Facebook and Instagram. I rarely pay for ads, but it has happened here and there.
And yet very few of my clients come from social media. This was another shocker considering I had swallowed the lie that I needed, social media to run a business. I might get 20 likes on a post, but you take out my mom, my best friend, my husband, nieces, and nephews. I probably have five people I don't know, personally engaging.
I don't think I've gotten one paying client from social media. And even if my business was huge on social media, I would still be trying to move my business off the space. It might take longer, it might be harder, but I feel strongly enough about this exodus, that my business is not a reason enough to stay
I've also found that too often. I use social media as a way to check the box as if I'm moving my business forward. When it really isn't. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a podcast called I got this. The scenario in that podcast would have been a simple social media post. I would have thrown it up on social media right after it happened and never done anything more with it.
But instead I took the story and looked at it from a deeper angle and boom, it was a whole podcast episode since making this decision to let go of social media, I have been more engaged and more excited about my business. So in response to the reason it is a necessary evil, what about your business? I'm committed to finding new ways to reach people, building deeper, more meaningful content and brainstorming, building a support group off of social media.
And number three, you can make more change by being on it rather than being off of it. You have to join the system to break. And then the argument that held me up for awhile, you have to be part of the system to change it. I kept getting stuck here, nodding my head in agreement and saying yes. And then I came to this conclusion.
I work with clients who have high functioning anxiety, high functioning anxiety is all about hustling, performing for approval, comparison, being vigilant and staying alert. And these are all the things that social media encourages us. Social media. It's not helpful for people with high-functioning anxiety.
In fact, there is little redeeming about it. So me showing up on social media feels a little bit like me going to a brewery every night and having a couple of drinks while telling people that alcohol is bad. Yes. I hear the argument. That is where the people who need me are, but at the same time, at some point I have to practice what I preach.
I have to practice self loyalty. I have to be honest with myself, social media. It's not healthy for me. I don't believe it's healthy for my clients either. And I also believe they can make that decision for themselves. I believe I can make more changes and help the greater good by stepping off of social media.
So in response to the reason you have to join the system to break it, I'm committed to sharing more about my story with social media and why I'm breaking up with it. I'm also committed to learning more about social media and anxiety and learning ways to decrease anxiety when it comes to social media use.
Overall, I have found social media. It's a bit of a charlatan. It makes me feel like I'm connected to people when I'm really, I'm not, it makes me feel like I'm contributing to the world in an impactful way when I'm really not. It makes me feel like I'm hip and happening and in touch with the larger world.
And when in reality, I'm hearing one small echo chamber. So that is my well thought out, why I'm leaving social media podcast episode. My goal is not to convince you to leave social media, but rather to convince you to bring some intentionality to your social media use, to encourage you to practice the two rules, pay attention and question.